The Apple

Wow. This is what I'm spending money on Netflix for.

Mmmmm, Candy

Via http://www.progressiveruin.com/, the funniest image I've seen in ages. 

"The textbook definition, sir, of cowardice"

Another one, this one even more powerful.

All The President's Lies

Oh man, Olbermann is brilliant. Why is he the only major-ish guy speaking truth to power?

RIP, White Hot Mama

I was just about to go to bed tonight when I saw the news of Ann Richards' death.

Gov. Richards was a political hero of mine, certainly. A firm progressive in a state that hasn't always been receptive to such leanings, she earned my admiration for her desire to create a "New Texas" by appointing more women and minorities to state positions than anyone had before.

But even more, she earned my respect on a personal level for being a strong Texas woman like the ones in my family that I've long admired -- like my mom, my aunts, my sister. She ran against a virulently sexist pig and, gracefully but firmly, kicked his ass.

I remember watching in 1988 when she said George H.W. was "born with a silver foot in his mouth," and I remember watching again in 1992 when she led the convention that nominated Bill Clinton for the presidency, even though I had to kick band campers out of the dorm lounge so I could do so.

But mostly, I remember meeting her briefly in 1990, when she came to Pampa's Chautauqua celebration in her run for governor. Dad and I drove over to hear her speak, and afterwards, we got in line so she could sign a bumper sticker for me. She asked me my name, then promptly told me I should change it if I ever wanted to be taken seriously. I loved it. I even tried to take her advice, but it didn't stick. Two years later, Dad sent me a Molly Ivins column from Newsweek, quoting Gov. Richards at the Democratic convention. Dad and I don't always agree on everything, but politically, we're pretty in sync. Thinking of Ann Richards reminds me of that.

Thanks for giving 'em hell, Ann. 

"But I Love The Truth"

This is by far the most delusional, self-serving, absolutely blind-to-reality interviews with a reality-show evictee I've ever seen.

"We Must Not Confuse Dissent With Disloyalty"

Truer words have rarely ever been spoken than the Edward R. Murrow quote that gives this post its headline and this blistering commentary by Keith Olbermann its conclusion.

Leonardo's Revenge

So it's Monday, and I'm nonchalantly walking into my office and bump into this:





That's an Ewok hoodie for our concert Sunday, in case you can't tell. Poor Leonardo was left swinging with an Ewok hoodie on his head.

Here are the guilty parties, just as they're caught posing by my boss:


Leo's still in the office, though not hanging by the rafters at the moment. I'm sure he'll pop up again soon. 

Good Eats

I want to find a restaurant like this.

Sharp 'Descent'

Still haven't seen Snakes on a Plane, but I did catch The Descent last night. I'm glad I caught it; it's probably the scariest film I've seen since Open Water.

Holy crap, I didn't know how claustrophobic I was until the six women (none of whom are victims, nicely, but rather proactive characters) started squeezing through impossibly narrow passages -- and that's before the icky Crawlers enter the picture. Character development is minimal, but the scare-factor is high. Highly recommended (especially if you see it with a scaredy-cat whose reactions temper your own fears).

Prison (Not) Broke

Nice start to the second season of Prison Break, introducing a worthy new adversary in William Fitchner, who rocks always, and getting the cons out on the road. Nice end to a dead-end character, too, when Veronica (Spoiler Alert: Highlight the text to see who it is) got blown away. The character had run its course -- a mostly useless and frequently annoying course, by the way. Can't wait to see more of T-Bag and to see which of the cons bites it next (as indicated here, it could be any of them).

A Hard Rain Must Fall ... During Primetime

It's a good thing I don't give a crap about watching the end of Vanished tonight on Fox. The Atlantic Ocean is currently falling from the sky in a crazy, crazy downpour. It's like we're on Night 35 of 40. And of course, a "weather event" like this has the weather readers on NBC/Fox salivating and tossing out stupid phrases like "weather event." (Apparently, the other networks -- the ones not premiering new shows, by the way -- aren't cutting in for nigh on 10 minutes.)

Here's my favorite self-hating justification of the night: "Flooding's not as glamorous as tornadoes." Um, duh. Yes, Bill, we know you're just trying to blunt the angry calls, but try not to be so obvious.

And of course, 5 seconds after they go back to regular programming, it's time for a commercial break. Can't interrupt them, can we?

ETA: The conspiracy twist at the end of Vanished -- which I knew was coming, but still -- actually has me a little intrigued. The mysterious guys in robes looked a little cheesy, which could work -- but probably not. I'll give it a few weeks, at least until the rest of the fall season kicks off.

Back to the Movies?

In the nearly four months since I announced that I was leaving my previous job, I've seen only three movies in the theater. Before, I was averaging three a weekend. You'd think my apartment would be cleaner with all of that extra free time, but of course, you'd be wrong.

That won't get any better soon, thanks to an impressive slate of fall movies and, surprisingly, a few in the usually dog days of August that look fun. I don't know that I'll go see all that many of them, but it's feeling more likely than it has all summer.

Here's the lineup for the next several weeks, plus some snark or gush as appropriate.

August 18

Snakes on a Plane: Um, hell yeah. I'll see it opening weekend, maybe opening night. I hope it's as bad as it can be, in the best sense of the phrase.

Material Girls: Um, hell no.

Accepted: I've enjoyed Justin Long since Ed, but I'm feeling a little meh about this one. It looks a little Old School Lite, and I wasn't exactly nuts about that one in the first place.

A Scanner Darkly: Very glad to see this Richard Linklater-directed adaptation of the Phillip K. Dick story finally make its way here. I haven't read the book yet, but I'll be catching this one as soon as I can.

The Illusionist: This turn-of-the-century tale about a magician (Edward Norton) and a man out to debunk him (Paul Giamatti) is only opening in 40 screens this weekend -- needless to say, not in Amarillo. Looks interesting, but not as much so as The Prestige, a similarly themed film starring Hugh Jackman and directed by Christopher Nolan that's due in October. Maybe it's because Jessica Biel's in this one, and her last August movie was that frickin' awful Stealth.

Little Miss Sunshine: This Sundance darling widens to 694 screens this weekend. Not here yet, though.

Trust the Man: Also not opening here yet, but another one I'm interested in, if only because I think Julianne Moore is the greatest thing not just since sliced bread, but since bread itself. Here, she stars in a drama about two men (David Duchovny and Billy Crudup) fighting to save their relationships (with Moore and Maggie Gyllenhaal, respectively). The impressive cast is led by writer/director BartFreundlich (The Myth of Fingerprints and Moore's real-life partner).

August 25

Invincible: Mark Wahlberg stars as a major-league fan who gets the call to join his idols. I saw it already, back when it was called Rock Star. Only I got paid to see that one. Not this one.

Idlewild: Oh man, I really really really hope this one opens here, but films seen as appealing mostly to a black audience don't always make it here right off the bat. It seems to be getting some buzz, though -- mostly over the boiling feud between former OutKasters Andre 3000 and Big Boi. But really, even if it's totally a botch job, the concept -- a modern-day musical taking place during the South during Prohibition -- thrills me.

Beerfest: Definitely a renter, or possibly a bargain theater view. I thoroughly enjoyed Broken Lizard's Super Troopers and mildly enjoyed Club Dread and shamefully enjoyed Dukes of Hazzard (all directed by Jay Chandrasekhar), and this one looks like a throwback to Troopers.

How to Eat Fried Worms: I enjoyed the book back in the day, and if my nephew and niece go, I might tag along if the reviews are good.

(Little Miss Sunshine is supposed to expand to 1,500 screens, so look for it in Amarillo this week.)

September 1

Crank: Jason Statham stars in a Speed-sounding action flick. Apparently, Statham owns this weekend, because his last film, The Transporter 2, came out this time last year -- and yes, I remembered that on my own, and it scares me. I liked Transporter 2 quite a bit, actually; for a crappy action flick, it had style. This one? Not if I'm not getting paid for it.

The Wicker Man: Neil LaBute on a horror flick that's about more traditional scares than his usual wallowing in the morass of human morality? Intriguing. It's a remake of a 1974 horror movie that I've vaguely heard of. Previously, I would have been putting the original at the top of my Netflix queue. Now? Not so much.

Crossover: I saw on IMDB that this is something about basketballers and my eyes glazed over.

(Trust the Man goes wide, and The Illusionist is scheduled to hit 800 screens, meaning either could open here.)

September 8

The Covenant: Another stupid horror flick. Gah.

Hollywoodland: An Auto Focus-style examination of the mysterious death of George Reeves, the 1950s TV Superman. I'd thought that Reeves jumped to his death from some famous building in LA for years, but he allegedly shot himself in the temple at a Hollywood party. Ben Affleck continues to try to wipe the flop stench off him with a potentially career-rebuilding role.

DOA: Dead or Alive: Video-game adapation, so no way in hell. Even if it does star Jaime Pressley from My Name Is Earl.

September 15

The Black Dahlia: Man oh man, I love this poster. Here's another Hollywood true crime story, fictionalized in a novel by James Ellroy. In it, a young starlet is found brutally murdered in a case that was never solved. A hell of a cast, too: Hillary Swank, Scarlett Johansson, Aaron Eckhart, Josh Hartnett and Mia Kirshner, who I interviewed once upon a time when she was Mandy the hot assassin on 24.

Everyone's Hero: Inspirational-looking computer animated film that was being directed by Christopher Reeve at the time of his death. It'll probably be heartwarming and tearjerking and... I just don't think so.

Gridiron Gang: The Rock and Xzibit in what appears to be a younger, more serious version of The Longest Yard. Pass.

The Last Kiss: Zach Braff stars as an ennui-filled slacker reconsidering his life, only it's not Garden State. It's supposed to open wide, so we might actually get it on opening weekend.

September 22

Jackass: Number Two: God help me, I enjoyed the crap out of the original Jackass. If this one makes it to the bargain theater, I'm so there. If not -- DVD.

Fearless: This one's supposedly Jet Li's last action flick. OK, then.

All the King's Men: This might get a staggered release, but it looks like it might be a wide release. Men was supposed to be an Oscar contender last year, but the studio held it back, and it could be the kickoff for this year's major Oscar contenders. Great cast: Sean Penn, Jude Law, Patricia Clarkson and more.

Feast: The latest Project Greenlight film gets two nights of midnight-only screenings before a DVD release. It's a clever-ish marketing idea; who knows if it'll make it here, though.

The Science of Sleep: This one's definitely not opening right away here, but I can't wait 'til it does. Director Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) has the indescribably hot Gael Garcia Bernal as an insecure man who lives mostly in his dizzingly bizarre and beautiful dreams. Yum.

September 29

Flyboys: James Franco gets another shot at the bigtime in a WWI-era pilot who falls for a French woman. I still have some residual Freaks and Geeks affection for Franco, but not enough to see this.

Open Season: Ashton Kutcher and Martin Lawrence, together at last! OK, I really don't care, especially as this looks like another wannabe Pixar film or Shrek. Not interested.

School for Scoundrels: Billy Bob Thornton and Jon (Napoleon Dynamite) Heder team in a film from Old School director Todd Phillips. Hmm, maybe.

The Guardian: Ashton Kutcher again, this time teaming with Kevin Costner, who plays the grizzled veteran rescue swimmer to Kutcher's nubile ... I mean newbie one.

Bright Ideas

As I alluded to in an earlier post tonight, the fall arts season is kicking off already in Amarillo with ALT's Bright Ideas, opening Thursday for a two-week run in the Adventure Space.

Now, I suppose I could link to the newspaper's coverage of the show, but ... well, it's quite lacking. The story, and I use that term mondo-loosely, is just cribbed from a postcard. No original interviews, no legwork. At least they shot a couple of photos to go along with the three-paragraph story.

Anyway, the play looks like a witty urban comedy about parents who are desperate to get their child into a prestigious preschool. From the review and synopsis I found online (in a 3-second search, mind you), it looks as though Bright Ideas is of a piece with several other season-openers at the Adventure Space, such as As Bees in Honey Drown and Kimberly Akimbo.

They've had mixed success in this genre before. The sensibilities of New York comedy don't always translate in a community theater in the middle of Texas. The cast has promise, though: Jayme McBride and Amy Spears are solid performers, and Heidi Stricker is one of the theater's best actors. Jonathan Mobley's never had a lead role, so I'm interested to see what he does. There's also a newcomer, Brad Davis. (Presumably not this one.) I'll report back after I see it next weekend.

Of course, the summer arts calendar isn't quite wrapped up yet. The Symphony (plug, plug) returns to Palo Duro Canyon on Sept. 3 for A Space Odyssey, which is looking more and more like it's going to be one wild show. We had a meeting in the office today and I finally got brought up to speed on the plans, which involve Strauss waltzes, kids in Ewok costumes, lasers, fireworks and lots and lots of John Williams music.

And before that, Amarillo Opera puts on its Musica Variada show Friday, featuring a host of singers in a mostly Latin-tinged show. Among the perfomers is my co-worker Eric Barry, who unfortunately hasn't been rattling the maracas around the office this week.

Paaaaaarty, Part 2

More on the Polk Street Block Party, continued from below:

The Tundra Zone Stage

5 p.m. Gary Patrick Hines: No clue who this guy is, but he leads off a mostly mellow lineup, with one real exception.

6:15 p.m. Chase-n-Scales: Two of the nicest, most talented musicians in town, Andy Chase and Maggie Scales-Peacock (Maggie's in the center of the photo), regularly team up for some gorgeous harmonies, skillful guitar playing and impeccable fiddling. Not to be missed.

7:30 p.m. The Martinis: Aw crap, I was supposed to go see these guys tonight at Sam Houston Park. Surely they got rained out. Anyway, they're one of Amarillo's premiere jazz groups -- not that there's a lot of competition, but still. Another band I wish I'd written about back in the day.

8:45 p.m. Gray County Line: Real nice guys, and one of the last bands I interviewed. I've yet to actually see them play, though. Sorry about the photo of them; it's not one of the best ever shot.

10 p.m. Just 2 Guys: Now this one, I just don't understand. I know these guys play a lot -- a hell of a lot -- but I just don't get why they'd be headlining a stage. This should have been Vic Fontana's spot.

The Power Stage

5 p.m. Jack Creek Road: Another new one on me, but the new Project Amarillo Website says they're a roadhouse blues and rock band, so there you go.

6:15 p.m. Jivin' Gene & The Playboys: Again, no clue, but what a ginchy name!

7:30 p.m. A Penny for Lane: These kids (I don't believe any of them are over 17 yet) put out some pretty damn good rock music, and have since they were prepubescent (under the name Frozen Illusion). I watched them for a while last year and got a real kick out of them.

8:45 p.m. The Tommy Gallagher Band: One of the town's more active Texas country bands, and one I wrote about a few times -- though again, I'll be damned if I can find any evidence of it. Last summer, they were featured on Texas Country Reporter, making it pretty far in a statewide competition. They continue hoping for big things, and it's nice to see them get a prime spot on one of the stages this year.

10 p.m. Boomerang: I fielded calls from these guys a lot, so I know they're pretty active. I don't think I've ever seen them live, though. (I did hear them on an Eveline Rivers Christmas CD once, however.) Still, they're great guys, and their brand of rock seems pretty popular around here.

Full Throttle Stage

5 p.m. Rock Bottom: I've only seen these guys once, but I've got a definite soft spot for 'em. Lead singer James Markham is one of the most earnest rockers I've ever met, and I absolutely don't mean that as a backhanded compliment. He's just a genuinely nice guy, and the band seems to have a lot of fun. Sorry they're on at such an early time, though.

6:15 p.m. Clear Creek Band: Here's a band that's been around for quite a while, though I don't know much about them at all -- just that they've been a pretty active bar band.

7:30 p.m. The Soulbreakers: A dying breed in Amarillo -- a true soul band. A cool quartet of guys who I'd go see more, if I had more of an appreciation for the blues. That's something I need to get over, I know.

8:45 p.m. A Show of Hands: Now, as I understand it, this is basically an amalgamation of two old bands -- Tejano band Algosimple and blues-rockers The Undertakers. I've only heard them in bits and pieces, but lead singer Carmen Rodriguez has a hell of a set of pipes.

10 p.m. Copperhead: Easily, the biggest touring band in the lineup, and one of the most popular bands in town. Their Golden Light gigs are usually packed to the gills, and I hear they pull a pretty mean crowd at Midnight Rodeo, too. They're the first truly local band I ever did a write-up on in Get Out!, so I'll always be fond of them. And oh yeah, they put on a hell of a show.

Another party note: They'll be lighting the old Paramount Theatre sign at 10 p.m., so I don't know what that'll mean to the bands' start times. Actually, I'm sure the bands will go on as scheduled; I'll be watching the lighting, though.

Paaaaaarty, Part 1

It's times like this I kinda, sorta, almost miss working at the paper. The fall arts season is right around the corner, but not before the last big blowout of summer -- the Polk Street Block Party. This year's party is set for 4 p.m. to midnight Saturday, Aug. 19, between Sixth and 10th Avenues on Polk Street. Tickets are $8 in advance and $10 at the gate; advance tickets are available at area United stores and Randy's Music Mart. (I already have my pass; I'm a volunteer this year -- woo hoo)

Coverage of the party was a central part of our coverage in the old days. We'll see Friday how important it is to those I left behind.

I love that the Block Party is such a fun, unstuffy celebration of Amarillo's downtown, and I firmly believe that its success over the past decade has laid the groundwork for Center City's current revitalization.

I also like how the Party has always (at least as far as I know) focused on local bands. The exposure is potentially invaluable for the bands, most of whom are mostly bar bands who don't tour, but I wish the music committee would be a little more adventurous in its selections. Would it kill them to give Bo Salling & The Brakes Are All Gone Band a shot? Or Luke Holder? (At least BSATBAAGB's playing the Golden Light on Aug. 25 and Luke's playing Bodega's on Aug. 18, the night before the party.)

Anyway, here's the lineup, with links to bands I've written about in the past:

The La Plaza Stage

5 p.m. Los 3 Kings: I don't really know much about these guys, but I do know that they've been around a while. Sorry I never got the chance to do a write-up.

6:15 p.m. The Brant Moore Band: Brant's such a genial guy and a hell of a hard-worker. I haven't seen them around in a while, so I'm not sure who's in the current lineup. If you're a fan of straightforward Texas country, give 'em a listen.

7:30 p.m. Section 8: If I remember correctly, this is a reconstituted version of a band called The Horny Toads out of Goodnight, but I might be wrong about the name. It's a family band, though, and guitarist Gabe Hanson is a key member of The Tommy Gallagher Band, which is playing later on another stage.

8:45 p.m. The Soncy Beech Bums: I featured these guys last summer in our Block Party coverage, and it was one of my more memorable interviews. These guys are a fun, old-school bar band -- absolutely no pretensions.

10 p.m. Val Caballero y La Tex-Mex Connection: Last year's party was the first time I saw this ginormous (at least a dozen members) band, and though I only saw them briefly, I was impressed. They're a good mix of Tejano and horns-driven rock -- a pretty cool mix.

True Music Stage

5 p.m. The Chancy Bernson Band: Now here's a guy desperately trying to pay his dues in the local scene. I've seen him opening up for several local bands at the Golden Light, and I've more often seen him hanging around the stage on nights he wasn't playing, hoping for a shot. Gotta admire that persistence.

6:15 p.m. Remedy: I know this name, but I don't know a thing about these guys. Can't find 'em on Google, can't find 'em on MySpace. I'm betting they're a rock band, but that's strictly a guess.
7:30 p.m. The Polk Street Disturbance: Another band I'm thoroughly unfamiliar with. It's only been three months; am I already that much out of the loop? I imagine that they're a band formed just for the party, given the name -- possibly a jam band of other musicians on the bill. Guess we'll see.

8:45 p.m. Vic Fontana & The Automatics: Now, here's a band I know and love -- and one I'm rather shocked to see isn't headlining one of the stages. And I know very well that I wrote them up a couple of years ago, but I'll be damned if I can find the story on the Get Out! site. Anyway, the band does some kickass covers of '60s rock tunes, complete with a horn section. You're likely to catch them playing at Skooterz on symphony concert weekends: The sax player is the symphony's principal clarinetist, and he shows up to the biker bar in his tux.

10 p.m. Insufficient Funds: Another band I love. I've seen these guys more than any other band in town (only BSATBAAGB comes close, I bet), and I always enjoy myself thoroughly. Maybe that's because they'll play anything I request. Maybe it's because two of its members are two of my closest friends. Maybe it's because they're just fun.

Truth In Advertising

In honor of this weekend's blockbuster opening of the gloriously titled "Snakes on a Plane," here's a recent film which might have been better served by a title that honestly represented its creator (via my friend Phillip):

 

My first meme

Ran into this meme on a favorite blog. It's a start.

Leonardo Comes Knocking

So there I was on Friday night, just minding my own business while waiting to head out to the Golden Light to see one of my favorite Texas bands, the Thriftstore Cowboys, when there was a knock on my door. I didn't see anyone through the peephole, so I opened the door, only to find this:


Turns out, it was my friend Janet, her husband Phillip and my co-worker Sue. This was there idea of fun on a Friday night -- going to Wal-Mart at 9 p.m. to buy a clearance-racked Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume. Note the split on the hip: It's a kid's costume, though certainly Janet came close to fitting it it -- closer than I ever could.


That's Janet, Sue and Phillip, relaxing on my couch. As you do when you're wearing a Leonardo costume (with full shell on the back, mind you).


Leonardo's a little warm. Oh yeah, that's a snake. One to take on a plane, of course.


This is when Janet running out the door when she realized I was getting photos of her face. I told her no one would see them. Which, considering my readership levels, is probably accurate.

All that work for naught

Damn that ABC. Just a couple of days after I took the time to map out my complicated (overly so, I know) fall TV-watching schedule, the network went and moved Ugly Betty to 7 p.m. Thursdays. How freakin' inconsiderate, especially as it goes up against two blocks that I do not want to miss -- Survivor on CBS and My Name Is Earl / The Office on NBC.

Star Wars on a Banjo

We should totally hire this guy for our next symphony concert. He's the perfect bridge between Asleep at the Wheel in July and "A Space Odyssey" in September.

How I'll waste my fall

A couple of weeks ago, I was obsessively checking TV Tattle like an expectant father. The reason? The nation's TV critics were gathered in Pasadena for the fall TV Press Tour, in which the networks talked up their new fall lineups and previewed what was going to happen on returning shows. The tour sounds blissfully fun to me -- one of the things I regret never getting to attend in my last job, like Sundance or SXSW.

Even without being there, the tour (at least, the accounts from the tour) gave me a pretty good idea of how I'll schedule my TV watching beginning this month. Some shows, like 24 and American Idol, won't return until January, throwing the rest of Fox's schedule into flux at the same time.

Here's basically what I'll be watching -- or trying to watch -- in pretty much the order of importance. If I have to be out of the house on any night, I only have 2 VCRs, so only the top 2 shows are likely to be taped.

My gods, I need a life.

Sunday:

• 7 p.m.: The Amazing Race 10 (CBS) -- Even after the disastrous "Family Edition" two rounds back and the high annoyance factor of last season, I'm still hooked on this show. As is my sister, so I've got to tape it regardless. (Premieres 7:30 p.m. Sept. 17)
• 7 p.m.: The Simpsons (Fox) -- I'm still a fan, even though I ended up missing most of last season for one reason or another. I'm glad it's still there when I want to watch it, though. (Premieres Sept. 10)
• 8 p.m.: Desperate Housewives (ABC) -- Yes, the second season was absolutely dreadful, but I have hopes that this go-round will be better, thanks to greater influence by series creator Marc Cherry, a renewed commitment to showing the central quartet interacting together, and a better thought-out central mystery. We'll see. (Premieres Sept. 24)
• 8 p.m.: Cold Case (CBS) -- Hopefully, I'll be able to tape this more regularly this season, especially given that I'll be taping TAR anyway. It's one of the best crime procedurals on TV, along with its new lead-out (see below). (Premieres Sept. 24)
• 9 p.m.: Brothers and Sisters (ABC) -- Possibly a standard-issue family drama, but the cast (Calista Flockheart, Rachel Griffiths, Sally Field, Balthazar Getty, Ron Rifkin) holds great promise. I may not even hold it against the producers for kicking Betty Buckley out in favor of Field. (Premieres Sept. 24)
• 9 p.m.: Without a Trace (CBS) -- As alluded to two shows earlier, this is one of the best crime shows on TV. After performing so strongly against ER, it was moved. Hopefully, that won't hurt it much. (Premieres Sept. 24)

Monday:

• 7 p.m.: Prison Break (Fox) -- This one got a little hit-and-miss for me toward the end of last season, but now that they're out (and filming in Dallas), I hope the plot contrivances slow down a bit. (Premieres Aug. 21)
• 7 p.m.: The Class (CBS) -- The commercials don't look to promising, and it's astounding how very, very white the reuniting members of this 3rd grade class are, but I'm a fan of Jason Ritter, so I'll at least give it a shot. (Premieres Sept. 18)
• 7:30 p.m.: How I Met Your Mother (CBS) -- One of a handful of sitcoms I bother with anymore, but a great one. I missed the season finale, but as I understand it Lily (Alyson Hannigan) and Marshall (Jason Segal) are on the outs, Ted (Josh Radnor) and Robin (Cobie Smulders) are giving it a go and Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) is still Barney. Incredible potential here for a lasting hit. (Premieres Sept. 18)
• 8 p.m.: Heroes (NBC) -- Random people across the globe start developing superpowers in yet another serialized drama -- the one I most look forward to watching this year. It boasts the creative input of great comic book creators Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, which only makes it more promising. (Premieres Sept. 25)
• 8 p.m.: Vanished (Fox) -- One of a couple of kidnapped-themed shows, but this one turns on an ages-old conspiracy. Might be interesing, might be pure crap. (Premieres Aug. 21)
• 8 p.m.: Runaway (CW) -- Mark Wahlberg stars as the head of a family on the run. Sounds similar to the film Running on Empty, which makes it worth checking out, at least. Even if it is in the timeslot were Everwood should be. (Premieres Sept. 25)
• 8:30 p.m.: The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS) -- Worth catching every once in a while, thanks to Julia Louis-Dreyfuss and a returning, recurring Wanda Sykes, but not a necessity. (Premieres Sept. 18)
• 9 p.m.: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (NBC) -- The new drama I'm most looking forward to in the fall, thanks to the involvment of creators Aaron Sorkin and Tommy Schlamme, and cast members Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford, Amanda Peet and more. It's one of two backstage looks at a Saturday Night Live-type show on NBC this fall, but it also looks to be in the vein of Sorkin's late, lamented Sports Night. I'll write more on this one after watching the pilot, which I'll be getting from Netflix in a few days. (Premieres Sept. 18)
• 9 p.m. What About Brian (ABC) -- This series, a surprise pick-up from last season, showed mostly unmet promise, but I'll give it another shot -- but only if it means I don't have to miss Studio 60. (Premieres Oct. 9)

Tuesday:

• 7 p.m.: Dancing with the Stars (ABC) -- I still think this belongs more during the summer, but no matter. I'll be watching it regardless, hoping they can find someone as engaging as Lisa Rinna this season. (Premieres Sept. 12)
• 7 p.m. Gilmore Girls (CW) -- Creator Amy Sherman-Palladino is gone, which could mean bad things for this show's distinctive voice. But I'm still hooked on the characters, even when they do crappy things like they did, oh, most of last season. (Premieres Sept. 26)
• 7 p.m.: Friday Night Lights (NBC) -- Loved the book, really liked the movie, really not sure about how the TV version is going to work. Kyle Chandler's a good actor, but not half as interesting as Billy Bob Thornton. Still, definitely to be checked out. (Premieres Oct. 3)
• 7 p.m.: Standoff (Fox) --Looks mildly interesting, especially with Ron Livingston and Gina Torres, but doubt it'll compete for me in this heavily weighted slot. Still, it's supposed to move to 7 p.m. Mondays in January, so maybe then. (Premieres Sept. 5)
• 8 p.m.: Veronica Mars (CW) -- My No. 1 most anticipated return. If you're not watching this hysterical but hard-bitten drama about a kick-ass P.I. who just happens to be a blonde chick who just got out of high school, I honestly don't know why we're friends. (Premieres Oct. 3)
• 8 p.m.: House (Fox) -- One of the best procedurals out there, thanks to the phenomenal Hugh Laurie. (Premieres Sept. 5)
• 8 p.m.: The Knights of Prosperity (ABC) -- Like Ugly Betty (see below), I liked the original title of this a lot better -- Let's Rob Mick Jagger. Still, Donal Logue leads an impressive cast in a fun-sounding series about some blokes trying to rob, yeah, Mick Jagger (who appears occasionally as himself). (Premieres Oct. 17)
• 9 p.m.: Smith (CBS) -- Boring title, but interesting concept: A regular-joe businessman has a secret life as a master criminal. Better yet is the cast -- Ray Liotta, Virginia Madsen, Simon Baker. I'll give it a shot. (Premieres Sept. 19)

Wednesday:

• 7 p.m.: America's Next Top Model (CW) -- The newly combined WB and UPN kicks things off with the regular season's best reality show, barring any writers' strike-related difficulties. I still miss Janice Dickerson, but the casting department never strikes out. (Premieres Sept. 20)
• 7 p.m.: Jericho (CBS) -- One of a host of promising-looking serialized dramas this year. This one stars Skeet Ulrich, Gerald McRaney and more as residents of a small Kansas town that appears to be the the sole surviving city after America is hit by a nuclear attack. The timeslot feels wrong for this type of show, and genre fans may be burned out, so I don't actually expect this one to last a full season. Should be interesting while it lasts, though. (Premieres Sept. 20)
• 7 p.m.: Dancing with the Stars (ABC) -- Results show. I'll be taping it so I don't have to watch all the filler. (Premieres Sept. 13)
• 7 p.m.: Bones (Fox) -- I really like this show, especially the chemistry between Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz, but I never have time to watch it. Looks like that won't change this season, either. (Premieres Aug. 30)
• 7 p.m.: Twenty Good Years (NBC) -- John Lithgow and Jeffrey Tambor should make this one worth checking out, but I don't have very high hopes for it. A quick death would open up space for Scrubs, so I'm hoping this one doesn't even last 20 weeks. (Premieres Oct. 4)
• 7:30 p.m.: 30 Rock (NBC) -- The Peacock Network's other SNL-inspired show, this one created by and starring Tina Fey. It sounds a bit more like a female-centric update of The Dick Van Dyke Show, actually, which sounds promising -- and Alec Baldwin looks like he's having a ball. Rachel Dratch's involvement worries me, because she generally and inexplicably frightens me. (Premieres Oct. 11)
• 8 p.m.: Lost (ABC) -- I must admit, the staggered airings of new episodes last year sapped a bit of momentum for me, and I'm concerned with the way some characters were disposed of, but this still ranks high on my list of must-sees. I'm pleased to see that the producers will air only six episodes in the fall, reserving the rest for an uninterrupted run later in the season. That should keep the drive going nicely. (Premieres Oct. 4)
• 8 p.m.: Day Break (ABC) -- This show, which takes the place of Lost for 13 weeks, follows the frustrated adventures of a man (Taye Diggs) trapped in a day that keeps starting over. I've had those days before. (Premieres Nov. 15)
• 8 p.m.: Justice (Fox) -- The Practice burned me out on lawyer shows (won't even watch Boston Legal), but this one should be interesting, if only for Victor "Spy Daddy" Garber as a showboating defense attorney. (Premieres Aug. 30)
• 9 p.m.: The Nine (ABC) -- The title characters become entangled in each others' lives after living through a bank robbery. I'm not sure how they'll keep things going, but I'm eager to give it a shot based on its solid buzz. (Premieres Oct. 4)
• 9 p.m.: Kidnapped (NBC) -- Another serialized drama, this one following one kidnapping case over the course of an entire season, and another one-word title that doesn't lend itself to easy recall. I had to look this up, but this one stars Jeremy Sisto, Dana Delaney, Linus Roache, Timothy Hutton and Delroy Lindo. Those are all big plusses, but I wonder if we'll see the resolution of the case. (Premieres Sept. 20)

Thursday:

• 7 p.m.: Survivor: Cook Islands (CBS) -- Yes, I'm still frustrated by this show more than occasionally, but not enough so that I'm about to give up watching it. (Premieres Sept. 14)
• 7 p.m.: My Name Is Earl (NBC) -- Part of the best hour of comedy on TV. A little sporadic last season, but generally, it's killer. (Premieres Sept. 21)
• 7:30 p.m.: The Office (NBC) -- With the death of Arrested Development, this is without a doubt the best sitcom on TV, especially when it's not trying to be funny. The poignancy that underlines every episode is the real selling point. (Premieres Sept. 21)
• 8 p.m.: Grey's Anatomy (ABC) -- The most shocking timeslot change of the season (and the most controversial, to my sister at least), but since CSI fell off my radar a couple of seasons back, it works great for me. (Premieres Sept. 21)
• 8 p.m.: Duets (Fox) -- A mutation of Dancing with the Stars, only with nonsinging celebrities teaming with singers in a karaoke competition. Could be fun, or pure crap like Skating with Celebrities. (Premieres 7 p.m. Aug. 31)
• 9 p.m.: Six Degrees (ABC) --Another show from the great J.J. Abrams, but one I'll definitely need to sample before rendering a judgment. In the show, six people in New York gradually become acquainted through seemingly random events. I don't know how it'll play out, but I love the cast: Hope Davis, Campbell Scott, Erika Christensen and others. (Premieres Sept. 21)

Friday:

• 7 p.m.: Ugly Betty (ABC) -- I like its previous title, Betty the Ugly, a lot better, but I'm still greatly looking forward to this, which deals with a plain Jane surrounded by The Gorgeous Ones. Its star, America Ferrara, seems like a doll, and its telenovela roots give it promise. (Premieres Sept. 22)
• 8 p.m.: Men in Trees (ABC) -- It would be an easy shot to joke about Anne Heche starring as a life coach, and contrary to popular belief, I'm not easy. I actually enjoy Heche's work, so I look forward to seeing what she does with this possibly flimsy concept about a burned-out woman starting a new life in Alaska. (Premieres Sept. 22)
• 9 p.m.: Numb3rs (CBS) -- I'm a committed math-phobe, but this show has grown on me. Enough so that I'll even include that stupid "3" in the middle of the title. (Premieres Sept. 22)

Saturday:

• Not a damn thing. Yay.

Summertime, and the TV-in' is easy, or How I learned to stop worrying and love Summer TV

So, as I was saying, summer TV doesn't suck anymore. (And by the way, I don't hesitate to use the word "suck" anymore, not after this article.)

Thursday:

• A light night. Just the results show for BB6. I could watch reruns of The Office or My Name is Earl, but I never remember to. I also could be watching Who Wants to be a Superhero (8 p.m., Sci-Fi), but it looks a wee bit too cheesy. OK, a lot too cheesy, even for me.

Friday:

• I've only watched Monk (8 p.m., USA) sporadically after the first season, and I didn't imagine I'd see much of it after original cast member Bitty Schram was dumped and replaced by Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place alum Traylor Howard. Bitty's just a cooler name than Traylor, you know. But the first episode of this season, co-starring Tony Shaloub's Big Night co-star Stanley Tucci, sounded intriguing, so I taped it. I'm still doing so; the mysteries aren't any more complicated than before, but Shaloub's pretty damn appealing.
• It's also convenient to tape Monk because I figure I'll be taping its lead-out, Psych, for a while, too. Like Monk, the mysteries aren't anything too complex, but the lead characters -- James Roday as a phony psychic with photographic memory, and Dule Hill as his reluctant partner -- have great chemistry. And even though Timothy Omundson and Maggie Lawson are wasted as the detective rivals of the PIs, I still enjoy the actors.

Saturday:

• Absolutely nothing.

Sunday:

• BB6 again, occasionally followed by Cold Case (8 p.m., CBS) reruns that I missed last season.

That's less than 20 hours a week. Pretty light, as you'll see in my next post.

Back again ... again

I used to look forward to the summer for one thing, really. Not the heat, certainly, and not getting out of school, seeing as how I haven't done that in, gasp, 11 years.

What I looked forward to, rather, was a little break in my obsessive TV watching. Don't get me wrong: I love my TV(s), especially these days, in the midst of this renaissance of creativity. But that's the problem: That boost of quality is running over into the summer. Simply put, there's too damn many shows to watch even in the dog days.

Granted, I'm watching far less right now than I will be come September. Exponentially less, probably, what with the huge crop of promising shows in the fall. But heck: I'm even watching two shows on Fridays. That rarely happens in the fall.

Here's the breakdown:

Monday:

• The Closer (8 p.m. CT, TNT): I'm not usually one for cop shows anymore, but I love me some Kyra Sedgwick, even with a slightly too-honeyed Southern accent. The mysteries aren't ever all that hard to solve -- especially if you figure that the most recognizable guest star is the most likely killer, which is almost always true here -- but they're almost beside the point. The fun comes from watching Chief Brenda Leigh grind the perps down in the interrogation room.
• Tabloid Wars (8 p.m. CT, Bravo): A new timeslot rival, and one I've only caught once so far, but I enjoyed what I saw in this cinema-verite look at the New York Daily News. They seem a lot more idealistic than my former colleagues, so they must not be beaten down as much.
• I tried Kyle XY (7 p.m. CT, ABC Family), Treasure Hunters (8 p.m. CT, NBC) and Saved (9 p.m. CT, TNT), but none of them really kept my interest.

Tuesday:

• Oh gods, am I ashamed to admit this, but I'm hooked on Big Brother All Stars (7 p.m. CT Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday, CBS). The show still sucks (BB4 remains the only one I've ever watched start to finish), but there's something moderately addicting about watching these famewhores try for one last walk on the streets. And I just love Evil Dr. Will, even though he's really trying too hard this time to be funny and he hasn't rid himself of that sucking goiter of ickiness that is Mike Boogie.
• I'm much happier to say that I'm throughly addicted to Rock Star: Supernova (8 p.m. CT Tuesday and 7 p.m. CT Wednesday, CBS). I didn't watch its inaugural season last summer, mostly because it grossed me out that they were trying to replace Michael Hutchence of INXS. No dead rock star to replace this time, just a search for a lead singer who can put up with Tommy Lee and who also gets to work with Gilby Clarke (formerly of Guns 'n' Roses) and Jason Newstead (Metallica). My early favorite was Dilana, and she's still far and away the best performer in the group. (Download her performance of "Lithium" here.) She's got a cool attitude, a level head and can wail like a banshee.
• For a few weeks, I got caught back up in Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List (Bravo), mostly to see how she handled displaying her marital troubles (she barely did) and to see her reaction to getting canned from E!'s red carpet coverage (she didn't disappoint).
• Also for several weeks, I was enthralled by Rescue Me (9 p.m. CT, FX), but not when the show went with a double-whammy of BS: Tommy raped his ex-wife so well that she started to enjoy it, and Probie got caught up in a bisexual relationship just so the writers could bust actor Michael Lombardi's balls. I'm still watching it out of inertia, but more and more reluctantly all the time.
• That sums up my feelings for Last Comic Standing (8 p.m. CT, NBC), too. I was pumped to watch it this year because my friend Kristin Key, a former Amarilloan and one of my favorite interview subjects and occasional drinking buddies, made the Top 12. She got shafted a few weeks ago, though, and finished out of the Top 6. I'm still watching, vaguely hoping that Chris Porter will win, but not caring much.
• The busy 8 p.m. timeslot has forced me to miss Eureka (Sci-Fi) twice now, but I hope to catch up with it on a marathon soon.

Wednesday:

• My favorite, favorite, favorite show of the summer is Project Runway (9 p.m. CT, Bravo). I don't know if it'll ever get as good as last year (click here, then on video, then season 2, then find episode 8, clip #4. Believe me, it's worth the trouble.) But I do love Kayne (or Kayne of Many Colors, as they call him on TWoP) because he's a Southern gay boy who loves Dolly Parton and isn't afraid to let anyone know. Robert the Barbie guy seems great, and I can't help but adore neurotic little Bradley. And it's not just the guys who I like: Brittle Laura amuses me, Uli seems pretty cool, and Alison seems wickedly talented. On the other hand, crazy Vincent scares the shit out of me, freaky Angela just doesn't belong, and smug Keith (though cute) is too full of himself -- and not in the good Santino way like last year.
• Morgan Spurlock's 30 Days (9 p.m. CT, FX) recently returned with an interesting show on illegal immigration -- forcing a Minuteman to live with a family of illegals in California. Mostly, the show played fair with both sides, though I read somewhere that the Minuteman now says he didn't soften toward the illegal family as much as he was portrayed to have. I'm feeling reluctant about this year, though, because Spurlock's much-hyped prison stay for the show reportedly ended before the 30 days was up. If the show addresses that, I'll be OK. If not, I may dump it.
• Other than Rock Star's results show, that's it for Wednesdays. I gave America's Got Talent most of a full episode before I bailed, and despite good reviews, I haven't even sampled Fox's So You Think You Can Dance.

More later.

Big Blue Messiah

"Superman Returns" was supposed to blow.

In the 19 years since the last "Superman" debacle, various story treatments had Superman being killed by a mutated Lex Luthor, refigured as a neurotic afraid of his own powers or from a Krypton that didn't explode. Thankfully, the comic book gods saw fit to boot such misfits as Nicolas Cage and Brett Ratner. Instead, Bryan Singer got the gig.

Singer, as fellow comic nerds know, is the guy who did such a masterful job on the first two "X-Men" films. But could he make the switch from Marvel to DC? "X-Men" is all about outcasts and prejudice. "Superman" is more elemental, more pure -- still about alienation, to be sure, but the hero is celebrated rather than reviled.

Fortunately, Singer gets that. Only, maybe he gets it a little too well.

In Singer's vision, the Man of Steel has a bit of a messiah complex. Or maybe Singer himself, or screenwriters Michael Dougherty and Dan Wells, do. The Superman-as-Jesus metaphor is wrapped around the film tighter than Supes' codpiece. (Wow, that might be a little inappropriate. Oh well, it's late.)

That idea's nothing new, though it's more likely that Superman creators Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster had the immigration experiences of Jews in mind more than a Son of God pastiche. But my word, does Singer lay it on a bit thick with countless images of Superman floating with his arms outstretched, a pivotal scene that might as well have taken place on Calvary, and much ado about fathers entrusting their sons with the future of humanity.

I had no idea when I made an offhand joke to my friend Sue during the previews about "The Nativity" being a prequel to "The Passion of the Christ" that we were about to see "PotC's" sequel, replete with more resurrection imagery than your average Easter pageant.

It works, heavy-handedly as it's sometimes done. Singer gets how to make comic book heroes relevant on film, just as he gets how to translate 2-D action into glorious 3-D special effects. The cast, which I'll deal with later, is almost great, with a few reservations.

More later.

Back again

So much for regular posting, huh? Some evil force infected my home computer, and I've been unable to get it fixed like I hoped. But now, I have a new laptop for work, so I'm connected at home again. God, I love my job.

Yes, six weeks into the new gig and I'm still happy, happy, happy. It's so different from my last job. Not just the work itself -- which, duh. It's also so much more of a healthy atmosphere; I didn't even realize how bad the old place really was til I actually left.

My life has changed so much in the last six weeks. I have free time now that I don't have to do so much -- especially movie watching. Until Thursday, I hadn't even gone to a movie in almost two months. I finally broke down and went to see "United 93" at the bargain theater the night before it left town. (Harrowing film, by the way, but definitely glad to have seen it.) I'll go see another movie Tuesday when "Superman Returns" opens in an outing with some co-workers and others.

Yes, I'm hanging out with co-workers. I haven't done that much since my friend Beth left the paper last year. General dissatisfaction with my environment? Mostly. Overload of stress? Certainly. A commentary on those I used to work with? Not really, but I certainly have a lot more in common with the people at my new job.

Today's Must-Reads

I'm halfway through my first full week off in more than eight years, so what am I doing? Cruising the Web between loads of laundry. What a life, huh?

Eh, it's not as if I could have taken off to some tropical locale, or even Santa Fe. Besides the fact that I have a gaping black hole where my bank account should be, it's May sweeps time: Who the hell would leave a TV behind at a time like this?

Which brings me to today's first killer read: New Jersey Star-Ledger TV critic Alan Sepinwall's spot-on analysis of last night's 2nd season finale of "Veronica Mars," which is simply the best show on TV, bar none. Last night's episode solved several sprawling, season-long mysteries, resolved some nagging plot points and packed more emotional punch than most feature films -- all in a 60-minute episode.

Stay on Alan's site for his trenchant commentary on last night's "Gilmore Girls" season finale, in which the probable ruination of a once-great show is probably complete.

On a wholly different note, there's Tom Krattenmaker's insightful Salon article (well worth watching the ad) on the growing role of evangelical Christianity in pro sports. Here's a sample:

In the end, it's unfortunate that Christian evangelism, at least the superficial form practiced by many players and chaplains, has become so rampant in sports, says a former pro athlete now involved in a Christian sports ministry. "Players who believe God helps them win miss the point of the rich tradition of the Christian faith," says the ex-player, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, fearing reprisal from his ministry. "I think the problem with sports ministry is the problem with the American church in general. We look for celebrities to promote a brand name. In my understanding of the gospels, this is the antithesis of the method Jesus used while on earth."

Stay at Salon for Stephanie Zacharek's worshipful recap of "Veronica Mars" (yeah, that again).

Then, take a look at this feature on Steve Carell, who wrote tomorrow night's "Office" season finale. That's one of, like, four sitcoms I even watch, though I wonder how I'll feel about finding laughs in a toxic workplace next season.

This Weekend's Movies

Oops, I forgot to include "Ask the Dust" in last week's roundup. Not that anyone read it, anyway.

Here's what's on tap at the theaters this week. I might actually see one of them.

• "An American Haunting": I do love seeing Sissy Spacek on the big screen, but not for this. One thing I won't miss a bit is having to see faux-scary PG-13 flicks.

• "Hoot": The trailer makes this family-friendly film look fairly appealing, and it took me until this week to realize the lead actor was the younger brother on the WB's "Jack and Bobby." This might have been one that snuck up on me, but it's not one I'm going to pay to see. Maybe -- maybe -- on DVD. But it loses points for having a Jimmy Buffett soundtrack. Yuck.

• "Mission: Impossible III": I'm actually surprised how much I really want to see this movie. The trailer bugs the shit out of me, mostly because I'm sick to death of Crazy Tom Cruise and his patented Steely Gaze of Pissed-Off-itude. But I can look past that because I'm dying to see how J.J. Abrams ("Alias," "Lost") reinvents the franchise, and I love that Keri Russell is getting her big-screen break. I'll probably go during the afternoon next week.
  
  

Hump Day Rules

Wednesday has absolutely become my favorite night of TV. Even over Sunday, even as much as I love "Grey's Anatomy" and "The Sopranos" and "Big Love." And last night's lineup rocked big time.

I kicked it off by watching "America's Next Top Model" live, seeing my favorite, Snaggle-Tooth Joanie, rocking the challenge and the photo shoot. Yay for ex-stripper/preacher's kids! And I fluved Jade's dumb-ass comment of the night: "Shooting with the elephant, it reminds me of an ancient dinosaur, because they are in the dinosaur family."

That was followed by watching "Lost" live, which was about 58 minutes of a really good episode that ended with two minutes of mind-blowing action. Two more potential deaths? Hello, May sweeps!

Then, I flipped over to Bravo to watch "Top Chef," which has quickly become one of my favorite shows of the season. The whole time I was watching it, I just knew that flighty, frenetic Dave would be the one leaving, especially when he chose to cook a black-truffle and cognac mac & cheese. It was quite shocking, then, when the top chefs of Napa liked his dish the best and sent him to the final three with my favorite, Harold. That left Lee Anne and Tiffani, both of whom I've liked from the start. Apparently, Lee Anne had too many flavors going on in her dish, all of which overwhelmed both the truffle and a 2001 Shafer Hillside Select Cabernet, which apparently is some sort of mega-rare and delicious wine. So she got the boot, though she'd displayed impeccable skill throughout. Judge Tom Colicchio sure is pissed about it, too.

Then, I rewound the tape in my living room VCR to watch "The Amazing Race." This used to be my absolute favoritist show evah, but not so much anymore. Last night's was a good episode, but two teams engaged in some really crappy behavior by calling and cancelling two other teams' cabs. Besides, I only like one team that's left in the Top 4. In the old days, it used to be that I would like 3 of the top 4 teams.

After that was "American Idol," in which little Princess Paris got the boot. I liked her, but it was her time to go, especially given that Twitchy Taylor has an inexplicably large fan base and seems destined for the final two. I hate him, by the way. I hate his faux soul mannerisms, his drunken dancing, his better-than-this attitude and his stupid gray hair. I'm resigned to my favorite, Kat McPhee, leaving third, after Elliott but before Chris and Twitchy Taylor.

Then, finally, I could watch "Alias," which felt like an old-school episode, especially with Syd's wonderful Southern accent being used in full force. Then, just as with "Lost," two shocking deaths, one of which finally might have answered the question of whether Sloan is a good guy or a bad guy after all.

After all the adrenaline-amping shows, I wasn't anywhere near tired, so I popped in a screener of "Kathy Griffin: Strong Black Woman," which airs on Bravo next week. (I'll miss screeners almost as much as I miss free CDs.) Her takes on Tom Cruise, K-Fed and, especially, Star Jones shouldn't be missed, particularly when she gets into the whole "Dakota Fanning's in rehab" bit she tried on the red carpet and subsequently got fired for.

Oooooh, Cool

This is the kind of thing that makes my inner nerd snort and hike up its highwater pants:

What's Grosser Than Gross?

Remember those old schoolyard jokes? I think we've found the ultimate topper in this story about the nasty Denise Richards/Charlie Sheen divorce:

Locklear's rumored beau of the moment, David Spade, seemed to perpetuate that speculation when he told reporters last week that Locklear was "still nursing the knife wound in her back."

How the bloody hell does someone like David Spade hook up with Heather Locklear? Is she suddenly blind, deaf, dumb and without nerve endings to feel the slime that exudes from his creepy little pores? Who's going to stop Heather's downward shame spiral of dating?

Baby, I Remember All The Things You Taught To Me

Someone* brought me flowers today. I can't remember the last time someone brought me flowers. No one brings me flowers anymore.

*Actually, WT's communications department, led by the fabulous Dana Olmstead, sent them to me. But that's not how the song goes.

Two Days More

I'm going to break out into song now. Imagine me having a really good voice, though.

Valjean

Two days more,

Two more days to another destiny,

Off this never-ending road to Calvary.

These people who have committed crimes

Will surely soon be drenched in grime.

Two days more.

Marius

I cannot wait until Friday

How can I wait 'til I am parted?

Valjean

(Two days more)

Marius & Cosette

In a week, I'll be worlds away

And yet it feels a new world has started.

Eponine

Two more days 'til I'm on my own

Marius & Cosette

Will I ever breathe again?

Eponine

Two more days with them not caring.

Marius & Cosette

I was born to do this job

Eponine

What I life I could have led

Marius & Cosette

And I swear I was always true!

Eponine

But they'll never get me back.

OK, that's enough for now.

This weekend's movies

Now that I don't get paid to see movies anymore, I have a feeling I won't be seeing nearly as many. I'll probably go from 12 to 15 a month to, like, 2. Maybe.

But that doesn't mean I won't still have opinions on them. Here's this week's bunch, with snarky comments:

• Akeelah and the Bee: I do want to see this one because (1) I'm a sucker for underdog stories, and (2) I want to see if Laurence Fishburne and Angela Bassett can make it through an entire movie without whaling on each other.
• R.V.: Robin Williams needs to go away. Now. No, really. I'm serious. Unless he does more like this.
• Stick It: It's from the writer of "Bring It On," so it may be worth a rental. Jeff Bridges is always interesting, at least.
• United 93: I definitely want to see this, though I dread it equally. The trailers alone were enough to get my throat tight. Writer/director Paul Greengrass has a superb record, and early reviews are promising. Interesting note: Amarillo native Tara Hugo, daughter of jazz clarinetist Hugo Loewenstern, plays passenger Kristin White Gould.

With 'Friends' Like These ... I'd Take The Money

And here's my "Friends with Money" review, also mysteriously absent today.

Writer/director Nicole Holofcener knows women inside out. Moreover, she knows how to write women.

Holofcener’s films “Walking and Talking” and “Lovely and Amazing” are intricate character studies of women and their relationships with friends, families and lovers. Her latest, “Friends with Money,” follows in their footsteps.

The best thing about Holofcener’s women is how realistic they are. At times, it feels as if we’re voyeurs, watching the lives of our neighbors (albeit, in this case, our extraordinarily wealthy neighbors) unfold before our eyes.

“Friends” concerns itself with four women and their romantic partners.

Frances McDormand is Jane, a 40-plus-year-old woman who’s so convinced that her best days have passed her by that she can’t even be bothered to wash her hair. Her friends speculate that she’s so angry because her husband, Aaron (Simon McBurney), is gay. He says he's not, but don't tell that to the hot guys that keep hittting on him.

Catherine Keener, a veteran of all three of Holofcener’s films, is Christine, who writes screenplays with her husband, David (Jason Isaacs), and is so self-absorbed that she can’t understand why her neighbors would be angry about her addition of a second story to her home, no matter that it does block their view.

Joan Cusack is Franny, a mondo-rich stay-at-home mom who’s the glue in the four women’s friendship. She doesn’t really have many problems of her own, nor does her husband Matt (Greg Germann). Their wealth may not be the only reason they’re so happy, but it sure doesn’t hurt.

And Jennifer Aniston is Olivia, who’s “single, a pothead and a maid,” according to one of her friends. Olivia used to teach snooty kids at a fancy school, until they started bringing her quarters because they felt sorry for her. Now, she’s content-ish to clean other people’s homes.

“Friends” doesn’t have much in the way of plot. Even Olivia’s search for the perfect boyfriend isn’t a major deal. Instead, Holofcener just wants us to observe these women, to see how many of their problems are of their own creation, to see how their materialism and self-loathing is destructive.

It’s not the comedy that some ads make it out to be, but it does have its share of humor, which comes from very real places. By the same token, it’s not as depressing as it might sound, though it does have a dark center.

Equal doses of humor and darkness? Sounds like real life to me.

Big-Time Dreamerz

Here's my review of "American Dreamz," which was unexpectedly left out of today's Get Out!

The judges on “American Idol” have a standard phrase when a contestant takes on a too-ambitious song: “That song was too big for you.”

That’s almost what happens to Paul Weitz, who wrote and directed the satire “American Dreamz.”

Weitz, who has moved from the “American Pie” movies to the highly regarded “About a Boy” and “In Good Company,” has huge ambitions for “Dreamz”: Not only does he want to satirize America’s fascination with reality TV contests, such as “Idol,” but he also tries to connect that willful disconnect from reality with a takedown of the Good Ol’ Boy presidency of George W. Bush.

To Weitz, the two situations are inescapably connected: The film argues that a society that’s willing to surrender so completely to manufactured reality on a TV show will also surrender completely to a manufactured reality from the White House.

The result is a frequently hilarious, but not totally successful, film.

Hugh Grant stars as Martin Tweed, the obnoxious British host of “Dreamz.” He’s a misanthrope who’s getting bored with the show and all of its attendant celebrity hoo-hah, so to make the show interesting for himself, he rigs it so that the finale comes down to an ambitious (and slightly trashy) blonde girl (Mandy Moore as Sally Kendoo) and a show tune-loving Iraqi (Sam Golzari as Omer).

Meanwhile, Dennis Quaid’s President Staton has woken up after a successful re-election and decides to start reading newspapers, any that he can get his hands on — so many that he locks himself out of sight from the country.

That causes some concern from his wife (Marcia Gay Harden) and lots of concern from his chief of staff (Willem Dafoe), who’s bald like Dick Cheney and Machiavellian like Karl Rove.

The worlds collide when the chief gets Staton booked as a guest judge on the “Dreamz” finale, where he becomes a target of the reluctant suicide bomber Omer.

Grant, as always, is slickly perfect in the role, showing us how, to paraphrase a memorable exchange, Tweed knows he needs to be a better person but that he has no real desire to become one. Moore also scores as the ruthless Sally, who’s willing to get back together with her ex when he’s nicked with a bullet in Iraq because she knows that story will help her win.

Golzari, Quaid, Harden and Dafoe also are solid, as are supporting players Jennifer Coolidge (Sally’s mother, an underwritten role) and Seth Meyers (Sally’s agent, also a little undercooked).

If anything, Weitz should have been more ruthless, but at its best, “Dreamz” is the finest bit of cinematic satire since “Wag the Dog.”

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