Larry Q. Craig

Hee hee hee! I almost feel sorry for the guy -- how awful to go though life so obviously hating yourself so much -- but then I remember that he's been so vociferously against gay rights.

Priceless.

She's meandering in the right direction at first, maybe, if she's hinting that some schools don't have enough resources. But "the Iraq"? "U.S. Americans"? Hee hee hee.

Whoa

This is about as convincing as Liberace doing James Brown.

Five Questions for Me

These come from Timothy J. Lambert, co-author of The Deal (a delightful novel which I've just re-read) and several other novels (many of which are winging their ways to me from Amazon).

1. In a room upon a high shelf rests a box. Inside is the one thing that will make your life perfect. Do you open it, and if so, what's in there?

I'd like to say that I wouldn't, because the fun of life is in the surprises and all that bullshit, but I know myself better than that. I'm the one who snuck into my dad's home office to peek at all my Christmas presents -- even swapping out new comics with ones I'd already owned for a while.

2. The producer who's making a movie based on your life is on the phone and wants to know which Cole Porter song to use as the title track for the film. Which song do you advise him to use?

"Where Are the Men?" from Anything Goes

3. Oh no, you died. You're being considered for sainthood. You'll be the Patron Saint of...what?

Unfortunate Attraction to Straight Guys

4. Isn't it romantic? If so, what is it? If not, what would make it romantic?

It's not. "It" is a vague antecedent. ... OK, if I must, a nice, home-cooked dinner for two.

5. Mom Cher told us what she'd do if she could turn back time. What would you do if you could turn back time?

Not take that last shot of Tuaca from the plastic penis shot glass on my birthday.

No, I hadn't been drinking

So the other night, I found myself dreaming about my ex. (Minds out of the gutters, folks.)

He sent me an IM -- not knowing that I'd be there, of course, because I remain invisible to him, even in dreamworld -- to tell me that he was leaving town. We got into a conversation about why he was leaving town, and he told me he was going underground with a Native American activist.

I woke up right after that and saw that I had only been asleep for an hour. I know he's been on my mind lately -- running into him unexpectedly in public will do that -- but a tribal activist? WTF?

Actual work

I swear, I am working today, but on things that just demand that I take a little brain-saving break every once in a while. Anyway, here's the full Symphony staff at Cadillac Ranch during Kimbo Week in June. Sue & Darryl (in the black shirts on the right) painted the lead Cadillac in about 2 hours, then had to wait another 2 hours for me to get Kimbo out to the Ranch. Sorry about the sunburns!

Barack Obama at Logo's Presidential Forum

I'm still trying to figure out who I'm going to vote for, but I keep going back to this man. I'm thoroughly frustrated that none of the major candidates will either come out in favor of gay marriage or more clearly acknowledge that the reason they haven't is strictly political. But still, he gives me hope.



Edited to add: And then I read things like this cogent argument and I get frustrated all over again. Civil unions are nothing more than separate-but-equal stopgaps -- not good enough.

Meep meep meep MEEEEEPPPP

(Sorta) Live Blogging the Globes

7:17 p.m.: So far, I'm 1 for 4. Jennifer Hudson is a gimme, though. I guess if I'd thought about it, I would have picked the Prince song from Happy Feet, though it's not like I cared much. It was a little amusing watching J.T. waiting around for wee little Prince to pop up from under a mushroom or something. What, they expected His Royal Funkiness to show up?

No arguments with Jeremy Irons winning, though I haven't seen Elizabeth I, so what do I know? Mega-arguments against Kyra Sedgewick beating Edie Falco, though. I'm a big fan of Sedgewick and of The Closer itself, but over Falco? No frakkin' way.

7:21: Gorgeous gown on Naomi Watts. Too bad she can't say anyone's names from Babel to save her life.

7:22: Renee Zellweger's gown -- the color of it, at least -- is also stunning. Too bad she's stuck with the "meet our hosts" duties. Zzzzzzz.

7:24: Why is the HFPA dude quoting Norma Desmond approvingly? She was a bitter, aging queen who hated what Hollywood had become. Oh, maybe he's speaking for himself.

7:27: This is tougher than I thought. Emily Blunt just won as supporting actress for ... something. Oh, on BBC America. I hate Suddenlink. We're connected, my ass.

7:28: Aww, Hugh Laurie won for House. I love hearing him speak in that fake British accent. (And man, do those Heroes guys look nice in their tuxes. Even Milo's hair doesn't look bad.)

7:33: How come I didn't remember that Sarah Paulson from Studio 60 was the same Sarah Paulson from Down with Love who is Cherry Jones' girlfriend? I ran across an off-hand reference to Paulson being a lesbian earlier, which surprised me, though it shouldn't, because I saw Jones kiss her at the 2005 Tony Awards and recognized her from Down with Love, and I know that movie connection has at least crossed my mind since Studio 60 started.

7:38: Still don't want to see Bobby.

7:39: Aw, I love Steve Carrell. Why isn't he getting notices for Little Miss Sunshine? I had some issues with that film, but he was definitely the best part about it.

7:40: Still haven't seen Cars.

7:41: If Meryl Streep doesn't win this, I won't eat that cookie that's staring at me.

7:41:30: She won. (Not that I've seen Prada yet or anything). Good, that cookie's good. Why a Madonna song? Oh yeah, Vogue. Got it.

7:41:45: Ugly dress. Guess playing a fashionista doesn't rub off.

7:46: Emily Blunt and Anne Hathaway had "a difficult, difficult job of making me seem monstrous." Hee, hee. Oh, and if only it were as easy as asking a theater manager why we don't have Volver or The Queen or Pan's Labryinth.

7:52: I hate the Studio 60 promos in general, but tonight's featuring the show's "two couples," neither of whom are actually dating, takes the cake. That's like me saying I'm coupled with ... well, take your pick.

7:53: Sasha Baron Cohen? Kinda cute.

7:55: Rachel Weisz? Also cute.

7:56: Oh yeah, Nicholson's actually nominated for something this year.He's not just there for reaction shots.

7:57: But Nicholson lost to Eddie Murphy. Hmm. Still haven't seen Dreamgirls (or The Departed, for that matter).

8:07: Cool. Bill Nighy won. For that movie that Emily Blunt won for -- that I still didn't catch the title of.

8:18: First political speech of the night (by The Queen's screenwriter), and it's the first one (that I've noticed) to get cut off by music. Hmmm.

8:19: Holy hell, Vanessa L. Williams looks freakin' hot.

8:20: Alec Baldwin wins for 30 Rock. For my money, he won solely for saying that Tina Fey's shoes looked bi-curious.

8:28: Good nominees in the best comedy series category (except for Desperate Housewives), but how awesome that Ugly Betty won. Way cool.

8:34: There's something just really, really odd about seeing Clint Eastwood win a Globe for best foreign language film.

8:41: I really can't wait to see The Queen, but that clip wasn't exactly overwhelming.

8:42: Wow, Prince really is there. Just got stuck in traffic earlier, apparently.

8:46: America Ferrra won! Woo hoo! She's so cutely teary, and she hasn't even gotten to the stage yet. And Salma Hayek looked teary, too. I love that.

8:55: Warren Beatty tribute. Expect lots of man-whore jokes.

9:05: OK, one big man-whore joke -- but a funny one. And yes, Warren Beatty has balls. And by "balls," I too mean "artistic vision."

9:23: Martin Scorsese wins. And he's wearing Bill Nighy's glasses.

9:24: I finally know how to pronounce Chiwetel Ejiofor. And yay for a Cohen win -- and a good anus and testicles joke.

9:25: An extended anus and testicles joke. Funniest moment of the night.

9:33: Ick, Dane Cook.

9:34: Dreamgirls wins. Hardly a surprise. I'm doubting it'll repeat at the Oscars, though. The backlash against the movie is pretty significant.

9:40: Grey's Anatomy gets a well deserved win. Shonda Rhimes is a brilliant creator, but I'm tired of the "seriously" thing.

9:43: Helen Mirren wins. Again, right?

9:46: Yes, again. A friend helpfully pointed out that she played two queens this year. I replied by saying that's more queens than I've played (with) this year.

9:50: Forrest Whitaker wins for The Last King of Scotland, which is due to come here in a few weeks. I hope.

9:52: Rough start to Whitaker's speech but he finished nicely. Funny how he got to go on and on, while the screenwriter for The Queen got cut off as soon as he made a political comment.

9:57: Babel, huh? Interesting. I'm thinking that the foreign press had a favorite. Don't look for it to be repeating at the Oscars. Nice immigration jab, though.

10:00: OK, it's over now. Kinda weird to watch it without any real emotional attachment to any of the nominated films. Maybe it's because I've only seen a fraction of them, or maybe it's because there's no Brokeback Mountain this year.