Today's Must-Reads

I'm halfway through my first full week off in more than eight years, so what am I doing? Cruising the Web between loads of laundry. What a life, huh?

Eh, it's not as if I could have taken off to some tropical locale, or even Santa Fe. Besides the fact that I have a gaping black hole where my bank account should be, it's May sweeps time: Who the hell would leave a TV behind at a time like this?

Which brings me to today's first killer read: New Jersey Star-Ledger TV critic Alan Sepinwall's spot-on analysis of last night's 2nd season finale of "Veronica Mars," which is simply the best show on TV, bar none. Last night's episode solved several sprawling, season-long mysteries, resolved some nagging plot points and packed more emotional punch than most feature films -- all in a 60-minute episode.

Stay on Alan's site for his trenchant commentary on last night's "Gilmore Girls" season finale, in which the probable ruination of a once-great show is probably complete.

On a wholly different note, there's Tom Krattenmaker's insightful Salon article (well worth watching the ad) on the growing role of evangelical Christianity in pro sports. Here's a sample:

In the end, it's unfortunate that Christian evangelism, at least the superficial form practiced by many players and chaplains, has become so rampant in sports, says a former pro athlete now involved in a Christian sports ministry. "Players who believe God helps them win miss the point of the rich tradition of the Christian faith," says the ex-player, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, fearing reprisal from his ministry. "I think the problem with sports ministry is the problem with the American church in general. We look for celebrities to promote a brand name. In my understanding of the gospels, this is the antithesis of the method Jesus used while on earth."

Stay at Salon for Stephanie Zacharek's worshipful recap of "Veronica Mars" (yeah, that again).

Then, take a look at this feature on Steve Carell, who wrote tomorrow night's "Office" season finale. That's one of, like, four sitcoms I even watch, though I wonder how I'll feel about finding laughs in a toxic workplace next season.

This Weekend's Movies

Oops, I forgot to include "Ask the Dust" in last week's roundup. Not that anyone read it, anyway.

Here's what's on tap at the theaters this week. I might actually see one of them.

• "An American Haunting": I do love seeing Sissy Spacek on the big screen, but not for this. One thing I won't miss a bit is having to see faux-scary PG-13 flicks.

• "Hoot": The trailer makes this family-friendly film look fairly appealing, and it took me until this week to realize the lead actor was the younger brother on the WB's "Jack and Bobby." This might have been one that snuck up on me, but it's not one I'm going to pay to see. Maybe -- maybe -- on DVD. But it loses points for having a Jimmy Buffett soundtrack. Yuck.

• "Mission: Impossible III": I'm actually surprised how much I really want to see this movie. The trailer bugs the shit out of me, mostly because I'm sick to death of Crazy Tom Cruise and his patented Steely Gaze of Pissed-Off-itude. But I can look past that because I'm dying to see how J.J. Abrams ("Alias," "Lost") reinvents the franchise, and I love that Keri Russell is getting her big-screen break. I'll probably go during the afternoon next week.
  
  

Hump Day Rules

Wednesday has absolutely become my favorite night of TV. Even over Sunday, even as much as I love "Grey's Anatomy" and "The Sopranos" and "Big Love." And last night's lineup rocked big time.

I kicked it off by watching "America's Next Top Model" live, seeing my favorite, Snaggle-Tooth Joanie, rocking the challenge and the photo shoot. Yay for ex-stripper/preacher's kids! And I fluved Jade's dumb-ass comment of the night: "Shooting with the elephant, it reminds me of an ancient dinosaur, because they are in the dinosaur family."

That was followed by watching "Lost" live, which was about 58 minutes of a really good episode that ended with two minutes of mind-blowing action. Two more potential deaths? Hello, May sweeps!

Then, I flipped over to Bravo to watch "Top Chef," which has quickly become one of my favorite shows of the season. The whole time I was watching it, I just knew that flighty, frenetic Dave would be the one leaving, especially when he chose to cook a black-truffle and cognac mac & cheese. It was quite shocking, then, when the top chefs of Napa liked his dish the best and sent him to the final three with my favorite, Harold. That left Lee Anne and Tiffani, both of whom I've liked from the start. Apparently, Lee Anne had too many flavors going on in her dish, all of which overwhelmed both the truffle and a 2001 Shafer Hillside Select Cabernet, which apparently is some sort of mega-rare and delicious wine. So she got the boot, though she'd displayed impeccable skill throughout. Judge Tom Colicchio sure is pissed about it, too.

Then, I rewound the tape in my living room VCR to watch "The Amazing Race." This used to be my absolute favoritist show evah, but not so much anymore. Last night's was a good episode, but two teams engaged in some really crappy behavior by calling and cancelling two other teams' cabs. Besides, I only like one team that's left in the Top 4. In the old days, it used to be that I would like 3 of the top 4 teams.

After that was "American Idol," in which little Princess Paris got the boot. I liked her, but it was her time to go, especially given that Twitchy Taylor has an inexplicably large fan base and seems destined for the final two. I hate him, by the way. I hate his faux soul mannerisms, his drunken dancing, his better-than-this attitude and his stupid gray hair. I'm resigned to my favorite, Kat McPhee, leaving third, after Elliott but before Chris and Twitchy Taylor.

Then, finally, I could watch "Alias," which felt like an old-school episode, especially with Syd's wonderful Southern accent being used in full force. Then, just as with "Lost," two shocking deaths, one of which finally might have answered the question of whether Sloan is a good guy or a bad guy after all.

After all the adrenaline-amping shows, I wasn't anywhere near tired, so I popped in a screener of "Kathy Griffin: Strong Black Woman," which airs on Bravo next week. (I'll miss screeners almost as much as I miss free CDs.) Her takes on Tom Cruise, K-Fed and, especially, Star Jones shouldn't be missed, particularly when she gets into the whole "Dakota Fanning's in rehab" bit she tried on the red carpet and subsequently got fired for.

Oooooh, Cool

This is the kind of thing that makes my inner nerd snort and hike up its highwater pants:

What's Grosser Than Gross?

Remember those old schoolyard jokes? I think we've found the ultimate topper in this story about the nasty Denise Richards/Charlie Sheen divorce:

Locklear's rumored beau of the moment, David Spade, seemed to perpetuate that speculation when he told reporters last week that Locklear was "still nursing the knife wound in her back."

How the bloody hell does someone like David Spade hook up with Heather Locklear? Is she suddenly blind, deaf, dumb and without nerve endings to feel the slime that exudes from his creepy little pores? Who's going to stop Heather's downward shame spiral of dating?

Baby, I Remember All The Things You Taught To Me

Someone* brought me flowers today. I can't remember the last time someone brought me flowers. No one brings me flowers anymore.

*Actually, WT's communications department, led by the fabulous Dana Olmstead, sent them to me. But that's not how the song goes.

Two Days More

I'm going to break out into song now. Imagine me having a really good voice, though.

Valjean

Two days more,

Two more days to another destiny,

Off this never-ending road to Calvary.

These people who have committed crimes

Will surely soon be drenched in grime.

Two days more.

Marius

I cannot wait until Friday

How can I wait 'til I am parted?

Valjean

(Two days more)

Marius & Cosette

In a week, I'll be worlds away

And yet it feels a new world has started.

Eponine

Two more days 'til I'm on my own

Marius & Cosette

Will I ever breathe again?

Eponine

Two more days with them not caring.

Marius & Cosette

I was born to do this job

Eponine

What I life I could have led

Marius & Cosette

And I swear I was always true!

Eponine

But they'll never get me back.

OK, that's enough for now.